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Well today is the day.  I knew it was coming.  The anniversary of the worst thing that has happen in my adult life.  A year ago today my dog, my Buddy, my best non-human friend passed away.  Some days it seems like it happened so long ago and other days it seems like it was just yesterday.  I still cry.  I don’t think that will ever stop.  Because of Buddy I don’t want another dog, because I know that they will never be as great as he was and I don’t want to cheat on him.  He was my dog for 10 years and I still love him everyday…

As I lie here in my bed with tears welling up in my eyes, trying to keep quiet because Christie is sleeping I remember him and I think about all the things he taught me.  He taught me to:

1. Always greet people with a smile. Buddy would actually smile! We never taught him it and we couldn’t get him to do it on command.  It would only happen when we got home from wherever we were.  Even if I had just left to get the mail, I was only gone for a minute or two and as soon as I opened the door he was there… smiling.

2. Be silly with the people you love.  Buddy was the best when it came to putting silly hats on him and taking pictures of it.  I think he just enjoyed spending time with his people even if it meant looking silly.

3. Let the small things excite you.  I remember when we lived in Idaho we had a huge back yard.  We would let Buddy out and he would run, and run, and run.  One day I look out the window and Buddy was running back and forth with a plastic pot for gardening in his mouth, and he couldn’t be more excited to have it.  He didn’t know what it was all he knew was that he was having fun.

4. Love unconditionally.  Buddy had this one in the bag! It didn’t matter how long I was gone at school.  It didn’t matter if I had just yelled at him for eating all of our cat’s food.  It didn’t matter if when I saw him I wasn’t in the best of moods.  He still would squeeze his way beside me and rest his head on my lap and look up at me with this expression on his face that said “I love you, always”.

5. Protect the ones you love.  My dad would think it was so funny to pretend to hit me and hurt me because as soon as Buddy heard this he would hurry over and get in between me and my dad.  Occasionally he would even give my dad a sort of warning bite on the hand, not a hard bite just a “I’m not okay with what you are doing and I am going to have to stop you.”  Buddy didn’t know it was fake, he didn’t know that I wasn’t hurt, all he knew was that I was his person, he loved me and he had to save me.

This was really hard for me to write because there is still so much pain but I just wanted everyone to know what an amazing dog I had.  He was the greatest! I love him always.  Thank you, Buddy…


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A Prayer for Justice

My desktop wallpaper that I got from a website called justwallpaper.com has a beautiful prayer on it that I wanted to share 🙂

O Lord, hear our plea for justice.  Listen to our cry for help.  Pay attention to our prayer, for it comes from honest hearts.  Help us to love our neighbors more than we love ourselves, respecting differences and embracing our commonalities to find common ground.  Break our hearts for the things that break Yours.  Help us to be Your echos of mercy and whispers of love, showing love to the least of these just like You did when You were here announcing the good news of Your Kingdom.  Use our hands to extend help and love to those who need it so desperately.  Break our hearts for the things that break Yours.  Use us to bring Your Kingdom from Heaven to Earth every day through our words and actions.  Help us to realize that an aching world is waiting for us, Your followers, to be Your instruments of justice.  Wreck us for the sake of Your Kingdom.  Break our hearts for the things that break Yours.  Lord, may You continue to bless us, Your followers, with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world even when the doubters’ loud bullhorns of hopelessness seem deafening.  Break our hearts for the things that break Yours.  For Yours alone is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever.  Amen

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So about a month ago I tried sushi for the first time and even though I was a little nervous about eating it, it wasn’t really that bad…

I couple days ago I was thinking about that experience and one thing that has still stuck with me is the fact that when you eat sushi you just have to go for it.  When I picked up my first piece I tried to figure out how to just try a little bit of it but sushi is not a food that you can tear or bite off a piece of it in order to see if you will like it.  Your only utensil is chopsticks and all you can do is pick up the whole piece with them and pop it in your mouth and hope for the best!

I think that life can be like that sometimes… there are moments in everyone’s life where you have to just chow down on the whole piece of sushi and not try to figure out a way to tear off a piece.  Sometimes in life it is better that way.  Some people (me included) spend so much time figuring out how to tear off a piece of life to make sure it is okay that they miss something really great.

Now I understand that there are some things that you need to be cautious about and “taste a little piece first” but I think it is good to be spontaneous and just eat the sushi, because those times are sometimes the best and most memorable times in life.

so I suggest, if you haven’t yet, that you try sushi… because, who knows, you may learn something 🙂

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Basically this blog post is going to be full of the Bible verses that God has really laid on my heart in the past year… I hope you enjoy them and possibly are lifted up because of some of them

Proverbs 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.

Matthew 11:28-29 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Song of Songs 8:6-7 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm.  For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.  If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.

James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Psalm 40:5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.  Your plans for us are too numerous to list.  You have no equal.  If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.

Psalm 27:8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”  And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

Psalm 10:17-18 Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless.  Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them.

Psalm 19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

Exodus 15:2-3 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.  This is my God, and I will praise him—my father’s God, and I will exalt him! The Lord is a warrior; Yahweh is his name!

Ephesians 2:8-10 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Job 19:25-27 But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself.  Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.  I am overwhelmed at the thought!

Joshua 1:9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 John 3:17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?

1 Kings 19:11-12 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.

2 Samuel 22: 1-4 David sang this song to the LORD on the day the LORD rescued him from all his enemies and from Saul.  He sang: “The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.  He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence.  I called on the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies.”

Matthew 26:53-54 “Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly? But if I did, how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?”

Luke 23: 39-41 One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, “So you’re the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself-and us, too, while you’re at it!” But the other criminal protested, “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.”

Psalm 72:12-14 He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and the needy, and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence, for their lives are precious to him.

Romans 7:24-25 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Isaiah 61:10 I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness.  I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels.

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I never considered myself a perfectionist.  Whenever I heard the word ‘perfectionist’ I always associated it with academics.  People who always had to be the best, grades wise.  But I realized something the other day… I too am a perfectionist, but instead of having to be perfect in school I have to be perfect in relationships.  When I really thought about it I realized that I have to be the perfect roommate, the perfect friend, the perfect sister, and the perfect daughter! I hate the thought of someone being upset with me and I think that is why I have to be perfect when it comes to relationships. And I know it is a silly thought, I know I don’t have to be the perfect anything to be loved by the people around me but there is still something inside of me that tells me that if I am not then the people that mean the most to me will find someone who is… I have an undying fear of being replaceable and I think that is what is driving me to be perfect.  I fear that at any moment I will screw up and the people I love the most will leave me for someone who is better… I need to remember that the people in my life want me in theirs, and above all else God will NEVER replace me with someone else.  He has a purpose for me and even when I screw up He will not leave me for someone else!

Deuteronomy 31:8 says that God “will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

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I am obnoxious

I am outgoing

I am cruel

I am friendly

I fall too hard

I am loved

I am sensitive

I am generous

I trust too easily

I am trustworthy

I hold back feelings

I love

I cry

I laugh

I am impatient

I seek justice

I give too much

I am funny

I am a sinner


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Bucket List (in no particular order):

  1. Start a family
  2. Adopt a child
  3. Go on an African safari
  4. Go Alaskan whale watching
  5. Volunteer at the sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica
  6. Go and visit where Jesus lived here on Earth
  7. Visit the Winchester Mystery House
  8. Have a speaking part in a movie
  9. See a Chicago Bears game in Soldier Stadium
  10. Get a tattoo
  11. See the sunrise on one side of Florida and drive over to the other side to see the sunset
  12. Have a song written about me
  13. Write a song
  14. See the Northern Lights
  15. Go to Comic-Con

I am sure there will be more to come 🙂
Back Up Job List (again in no particular order):

  1. A cryptozoologist (they study creatures like Bigfoot and the Lochness Monster)
  2. A famous DJ (my stage name would be DJ Tanner)
  3. The person who stands behind the rapper at his concert and repeats every last word of the sentence.
  4. The first girl to be the Chicago Bears quarterback (because I think I could throw better then the one they have now 😉

and again I am sure there will be more to come 🙂

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